Breaking news: we humans are flawed. Okay. I admit that isn’t really news, but the fact is, we act like it applies to everyone else but “me.” We want to be able to sing “I did it my way” and mean it. But that spells big trouble. Who of us wants to work with someone who has that as their constant theme song? Their priority is the subjective “me” instead of looking to identify objective truth.

This is especially true when we are struggling emotionally. When we are depressed and anxious our decisions are more likely to be impacted by a desire for personal protection, pride, greed, selfishness. We can make pretty bad choices when we are emotionally vulnerable. Hence the advice: never make important decisions when you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. (HALT). Add to this list Scared, Bigoted, Ignorant.

Bad choices also come from the desire to protect Power. When maintaining power over another dominates in a personal relationship, in the workplace or in government, corruption and abuse are inevitable.

Our nation’s founders surely knew about these human frailties when they penned the Declaration of Independence. No one person or small group was to be trusted with all that power. When they wrote “ALL” are created equal, they did not mean “some.” Hence, the signers declared all have specific rights: life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness. They even recognized these rights were not the whimsical invention of the time, but were universal truths, endowed by the Creator, not from some king or political body. In fact, the list of grievances in the Declaration all traced back to the consequences of power in the hands of one person (King George). Under the tyranny of the few, the needs of the many are invariably ignored.

That document recognized we are an imperfect union. And declaring independence from one institution, required a concurrent commitment to a better one.

There are many parallels between that document and our own psychological health. When we focus only on ourselves, we will make demands of others that can be troublesome at best and violent at worst.

Life will not be fair. We can work hard and make success more likely, but success is not guaranteed. Alternately, we can complain and blame others for our own difficulties. We could even demand everyone succumb to our personal wishes. Play by our rules. Don’t give us any stress. Unfortunately, that mindset is prevalent today. And the result is a society-wide misery and anger.

For our individual psychological health we need to have reasonable and rational expectations, coupled with personal responsibility and a personal commitment to review who we are, with honesty and humility. Above all we need to remain committed to a higher goal, bigger than ourselves, for the long term. Without that commitment, we are prone to falter with the first disappointment, to wither under even mild criticism and then veer off course. We default to refusing to listen, angrily blaming others and breaking off relationships. Many literally scream that they are hurt or traumatized by inconvenient circumstances. They will demean the messenger and dismiss the message. You cannot grow that way. You will never be happy.

Similarly, without a commitment to truth and justice, a government cannot survive.

Our institutions are designed with the full awareness of our imperfections. We need higher standards to focus our minds and hearts to keep us in the right direction. Unfortunately, the very institutions we need now are desperately disrespected. The trust rating for Congress is 7%, only 2% trust the government “just about always.” Only 28% trust our public schools, the very place where children will spend many more hours each day than they do with their families.

Organized religion sits at 31% trust rating. Even the institution of marriage is increasingly seen as non-essential and non-binding.

Trust in communication is essential in any relationship. But the trust in the media is barely present. Only 16% trust newspapers, and a mere 11% trust TV news. Most see the media as politically biased and intentionally manipulating information to the public.

Without trust, emotions dominate in the moment. Instability and breaking of the bonds is seen as more expeditious than committing to resolve differences. Rather than engage in the difficult work of maintaining mutual trust, we shut others down, and seek the support of only those who agree to our distorted self-assessment. Listen only to the media source that validates your biases. Seek a self-diagnosis from Dr. TikTok labeling discomfort as a pathological symptom. No wonder half of adolescents and young adults have symptoms of depression and anxiety.

Perhaps the pervasive anxiety our culture results from that loss of trust. There is a great value in rebuilding the trust in our institutions, just like we need to rebuild our own psychological strengths.

Improvement comes when we seek truth, something bigger than ourselves, and recognize there is a higher power to whom we all must eventually answer.

As individuals, we are far better off when we commit to be honest, humble and true to the truth, and follow the same standards in our relationships with others. For those in power, know the rules to which you swore an oath. Read the Constitution. Follow the law.

Without these commitments to keep our human whims in check and balance, the law means little. People will do what they want. That which is forbidden in word but not enforced, becomes that which is permitted. Vice makes right.

We are not perfect as a nation and were never designed to be. Indeed, we are an imperfect union, with checks and balances in place to constantly prevent the tyranny of our collective flaws. If we choose to do so. Our diversity can only be protected by unity to that pledge.

Our founders did not just declare independence for its own sake, they tied it to creating a specific system of government dedicated to responsibility and accountability to protect our freedom. Thus, an imperfect union must remain constantly vigilant if we are to strive towards becoming a more perfect union. They felt so strongly about adherence to these standards that they pledged “our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor.”

To be psychologically healthy, we would do well to make a similar individual pledge to responsibility and accountability and stop whining that happiness only comes when we demand others do it “my way.”